This morning, long before I was ready to be welcomed into this day, a Rottweiler velcro-hugged my heart.
Tashi Indira (auspicious Goddess)
In my stupor, I pushed her away. I truly wasn’t awake and wasn’t ready to have another being in my space. Within just a few minutes, I came around and began my morning routine:
(1) snuggle with furkids
(2) say, aloud, five things I am grateful for
(3) say my morning prayer, reach over and touch the earth and feel her nurturing energy move through me
I then got out of bed and transitioned into the rest of my routine. I was cranky though. My head hurt and I just didn’t want the world to need anything from me today. I am going through a serious detox from Reiki training. Reiki training requires daily self-treatments and there is a cleansing period of which I am having almost every possible symptom. I welcome them, I can feel that they are all good things, but they are definitely not fun and definitely test one’s level of commitment to the Reiki path.
As I was in the kitchen preparing my breakfast, I stepped to the fridge to get the usual suspects and my other dog-this dog:
Ravi (the sun)
got in between me and the fridge. I politely said, with true loving energy, “Love bug, can you scoot out of the way so Mommie can get to the fridge”?, which he politely did. I proceeded to get what I needed out of the fridge-and noticed something.
My head did not feel like being that nice and kind. My head felt like being a grump at everyone and everything. I took pause. How could my head feel one way and something completely different effortlessly, without any premeditation, come out of my mouth? I was puzzled.
So, I did as my Spiritual Guide has taught me. I felt into it.
And I discovered that my heart felt completely different than my head. In my heart, I felt love just pouring out of it, pouring without beginning or end. My request to my precious little Ravi at the fridge taught me that my heart is running the show, not my head. At least this morning it was, I am all too aware of how that can slip away unbeknownst to me if I am not diligent in my spiritual practice.
I contemplated this experience further as I walked the dogs this morning. It was just one of the most beautiful recognitions to me that my head can be all sorts of bent-up and irritated, that this pain can exist there and I can emanate the opposite energy. It was an oracle to me of my deepening emotional sobriety. This is part of surrendering to a power greater than myself. I felt such freedom from my addictive patterns, so empowered.
I want my dogs and all the beings in my life to be held in the infinite energy of the love in my heart, not confined by the narrow energy of what is in my head, whether it be actual physical pain or the limited mind activity. I know that holding others in this energy is the energy in which they can thrive and can unfold into their authentic selves. And that is what just unfolded naturally for me this morning.
Events like this one is when I see the “fruits of my practice”. This is why my friends and family, my yoga practice, my Sufi practices, my 12-Step meetings, Reiki treatments, my balanced nutrition and exercise are CRUCIAL to me. Without them, I would not show up in the world this way, I would be impulsively living out what was in my head, as I did for so many years, sadly leaving a path of heartbreak and self-and-other destruction to prove it.
This authentic heart expressiveness is new to me. I have absolutely been that sweet and considerate to others over the years, but, to be honest, it was forced through layers of anger and grief. Since being blessed with my Spirtual Guide, his teachings, his example and the teachings and practices within the Sufi path, my heart has shifted tremendously. Much healing has occurred, and I am grateful. And, as they say in the 12 Step path “A grateful [person who experiences addiction] (my own wording-I do not ever refer to myself as an addict) does not use”.
To finish this post from my heart to yours, here is an explanation of the symbology within the symbol of the Sufi Order, the image at the top, that captures the essence of what I shared with you today.
“The symbol of the Sufi Order, which is a heart with wings, is symbolic of its ideal. The heart is both earthly and heavenly. The heart is a receptacle on earth of the divine spirit, and when it holds the divine spirit it soars heavenward; the wings picture its rising. The crescent in the heart symbolizes responsiveness; it is the heart that responds to the spirit of God that rises. The crescent is a symbol of responsiveness because it grows fuller by responding more and more to the sun as it progresses. The light one sees in the crescent is the light of the sun. It gets more light with increasing response, so it becomes fuller of the light of the sun. The star in the heart of the crescent represents the divine spark reflected in the human heart as love, which helps the crescent toward its fullness.” http://wahiduddin.net/hik/hik_sufism_heart.htm